?

Log in

Previous 10

Feb. 19th, 2010

Kurt Halsey Don't Belong

How are you doing?

I'm still sad. I can't deny it. I miss him, and I know I will for a bit anyway.

But another part of me knows this is right. I need to find myself and be by myself. He's had these selfish issues for awhile (as proven by my last LJ post from October). A small part of me still believes we could work and knows that we could, but the other more logical side says that until he figures himself out and how to deal with the stress of his life and be able to be there for another person, we can't.

So for now I'm going to keep myself busy. I'm really excited to see Percy jackson on Sunday with Pam. I'm nervous about lunch with Erin tomorrow, but at least she said yes, so that must mean something? I'm also super excited for cooking classes on Monday. I'm going to be ok. I always have been.

Doesn't mean he's not going to be in my thoughts. I just will need to find away to just think of something else when they do appeear.

Oct. 10th, 2009

Kurt Halsey Don't Belong

ARGHHH

I really REALLY wish I could quench this curiosity issue of mine. I'm writing this here, because he won't read it. Mike left to go get pizza and beer and left his facebook page open. Last time he did this I looked and discovered some not so appropriate emails he sent to some friend back home. This time I found one from last Jan he sent to one of his old friends when he wonders what would have happened had he ended up with her. Then there's another one from June when we started dating and he tells this same girl that he doesn't see us going anywhere. And yes they are super old emails but I still can't help but feel hurt.

I love him, and I could see us going far. I think we're really good for each other. But then there's moments, like this morning when he flipped out at the arts fair because he couldn't understand why after doing something for him THREE straight weekends in a row, I wanted to spend the day with him and have him not go play golf. He's invited me to Memphis and he seems excited about me visiting his hometown. But I don't know. Sometimes I don't even feel like he means it when I say I love him. There are moments when I feel it and then moments where I don't.

I know I shouldn't have been nosy. But I just want to know how he really feels. I wish there was a way to ask but there's not. So I will take these feelings and shove them in some deep dark place and hope they get covered in cobwebs.

Aug. 16th, 2009

Kurt Halsey Don't Belong

Being contemplative...again

Why is it I only post in here when I have something to contemplate or when I am being particularly nostalgic?

Tomorrow starts pre-planning. Tomorrow starts my third year of teaching. MY THIRD YEAR. I get tenure after this year. I start a new grade, with a new team. I'm petrified of tomorrow. The school year ended on a HORRIBLE note for me. My school is a high school. The people in it are all older than me, but the majority act as if they are in high school. They gossip and lie and I don't want to deal with any of that this year. But I know I will have to.

Also, my brother starts his junior year at Flagler in three weeks. I started my junior year 4 years ago. Started my freshman 6 years ago. But all those memories feel like yesterday. That is just mind-boggling. I still remember setting up my freshman dorm room. Time has gone by way too fast.

Case in point, Mike has been home now for two weeks. It feels longer. We are back to us, and while I love that he is home, it is still such a strange feeling. I'm happier with him than I have ever been with anyone else. All the Navy bullshit is worth it, because I get him out of it. I get someone who listens, and cares, and understands. But its funny bc he doesn't understand why I am so nervous about tomorrow. He wouldn't bc he wasn't here for it! It's been funny introducing him to things that gained popularity while he was gone. I love him and he loves me.

I'm happy. I can't complain about anything (except OMG the 28th needs to get here bc I am so broke!). It's so weird...

Apr. 2nd, 2009

Kurt Halsey Don't Belong

I need to write this somewhere

A year ago. A year ago I was going to cancel my match account when a cute guy emailed me. We started talking and I discovered he was in the navy. But by that point I was like eh let's see where this thing goes. Let's see where it leads.

And this is where its lead. A year later we're still together. Through I don't know how many trainings and underways and trips to Norfolk and leaves home and silly arguments and 6 weeks into a 5 month deployment, we're still together. I love him with all my heat. I could see us together for a really long time. But after all that he still hasn't said those three words yet. I know he cares, I feel that. But I'm so petrified that he'll comes home in July and all this goes to waste. I can't tell him any of this bc I don't want to tell him anything that will get him upset. He needs to be focused on what he's doing out there.

I love him. I know that I do. And it hurts that I can't tell him that. I mean I slip into emails here and there but its not the same.Part of me doesn't know if he'll ever say them back.

Ugh I'm babbling now. But I needed to get it out somehow.

Jun. 1st, 2008

Kurt Halsey Don't Belong

No one ever reads so a good spot to just write

I'm happy.

Despite EVERYTHING that has happened this first year of teaching I'm happy. I'm proud of the progress I made, the progress my crazy kiddos have made. I think I may even miss the little stinkers next year, and I know the last day of school will be a sad day. I'm sad to see my principal go, but I'm kind of excited to see what next year brings.

I'm with someone who's great. No matter how I feel, when I'm with him I know I'll laugh and smile. It's been fun getting to know him, and its so great to be with someone that I can be honest with. Its been slightly scary because how connected we are. But I'm rolling with it!

Life, when I actually take a moment to stop and look at it, despite what's not gone right, is good. :-)

Jun. 24th, 2007

Kurt Halsey Don't Belong

Why hello there LJ!

I haven't updated in 37 weeks...thats what 9 months ago? Life is completely different then it was then. I have a teaching job. I will be a first grade teacher which makes slightly giddy and slightly nervous at the same time. The principal and the school seem really great and I'm glad that I went with my instinct.
I don't feel as alone as I did when I graduated. My best friends are scattered all over the place and I miss being with them, but I'm glad that I'm making new ones and being closer to the ones I have here. I went out last night with girls from work and it was a ton of fun, even all we did was have drinks and dance. They make me feel like I'm fun to be around. We're going out next week for my birthday and my friend Melissa's birthday.
The rest of the summer is going to be really busy, my birthday, set-up for Duval County Public Schools, orientation for teachers, work, setting up my room. And helping my brother move into Flagler. How weird is that? It really does feel like yesterday that I was getting al my college stuff together. I read through old lj entries and I went through so many things and dealt with so many people while I was there. I don't know if I had the college experience I wanted but I had a decent one and I hope that my brother has a great one.

Enough for tonight. I have to wake up early to figure out what the hell is up with my crazy car. It keeps setting its alarm off, not wanting to start, and popping my trunk. I hope its still covered under warranty bc if not, I'm screwed!

Jul. 15th, 2006

Kurt Halsey Remember

so...

i must've woken up in some warped universe today. or else i'm in a really bad dream in which my life has just totally gotten flipped upside down.

if i trust you, you'll find out soon enough. if i don't then well...too bad.

Jul. 13th, 2006

Kurt Halsey Don't Belong

(no subject)

gots a new layout...fave part...the quotes at the top!

Jun. 18th, 2006

Kurt Halsey Remember

Nilda's gonna stand up for herself

This is an update.

I started the summer thinking I'd be working at Bruster's and volunteering. Then that switched to working at Brusters, NY&Co and volunteering. NOw it's going to "Bye-Bye Brusters!"

I'm just sick of the bullshit I keep getting over there. Sick of hearing about how great Lee is when he constantly makes mistakes. Mistakes that if I made, I would get bitched at for. Sick of the feeling that I get when the new guy is making a full two dollars more than me.

So come Thursday, I am informing the higher-ups at Bruster's that its my last summer. FOR REAL. That I have no plans of following them to San Jose, and that I can no longer see myself working a job that I do well but hate so much.

Peace out, looking forward to seeing STINA! tomorrrow!

May. 23rd, 2006

Kurt Halsey Don't Belong

I'm alive...

but my feet feel like they may fall off at any second. Today was my hell day which in a way began last night. Worked 6 hours at Bruster's, with one of the most annoying scoopers, then woke up this morning at 5:30 and went to work back at NY&Co.

All in all that wasn't that bad. The day went by kinda fast. I got to work with the new manager, and I don't have an idea about her yet. She seems nice, but there are changes in store for the store (wow that was redundant). And I think Leslie got it on the money, she's Michelle, only younger, and a tad bit less intimidating. I think I close with her on Saturday...that'll show her true colors, I mean that's when Michelle's bitchiness really got to full force. Overall glad to be back, and yay for shopping.

I left there at like 5:10 and it took me 50 minutes to get to Brusters. Ridiculous is the word to describe the traffic in this town. Tonight was okay. By FAR the easiest night of all my closings. Except when the dumb ass car club kids came up at 9:55 to get milkshakes. GRRRRRR.

Now I'm going to eat and then tomorrow I go to class and David's Bridal. And Thursday I'm hitting the Gypsy Cab which should be fun!

Good night folks!

Previous 10